YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
