she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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