I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
