i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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