I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
