I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
