Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
