wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
