I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
