so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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