mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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