.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
