he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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