..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
