Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
