I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
