so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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