dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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