Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
