We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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