Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
