I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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