He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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