I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
