I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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