I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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