and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
