im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're like the curious george of whores
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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