just tell him i said nine months
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
