we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
