Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
