that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
They have beer where we have blood.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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