you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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