If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
