I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Vodka?
Forever.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
