haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
