I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm passing your future prison.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
