Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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