you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
