btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
