Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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