That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
