Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
