ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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