i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
