so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
