jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I did not marry a roomba.
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