Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
