You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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