So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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