wanna go halves on a baby?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
