Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i was born a porn star she said
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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