Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
