My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
