GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
